Deviations

I went to Loudun today.  It was supposed to be a simple journey on a road that any Roman would have been proud of - arrow straight, and never mind the hills that got in the way. 

Unfortunately, somebody definitely anti-Roman has installed an un-Roman roundabout just on the outskirts of the town, and the un-Roman roundabout was in urgent need of repair.  So I met a yellow sign that said 'Deviation' in black letters.

Any self-respecting Roman would, of course, have laughed heartily and stepped over it.  Unfortunately, it's obligatory to follow a sign that says 'Deviation' if you happen not be to a Roman and are driving a car. 

This particular deviation took me down a long, narrow, winding road to a crossroads.  There was no sign there to tell me which way to go.  I took a chance and turned right - which happened to be the right decision.  So I arrived - by chance, and with luck, where I wanted to go.

That was on the way there.

On the way back, I got hopelessly lost.  I followed the first sign that said 'Deviation', and travelled through an endless, green, signpostless landscape for 20 minutes until I finally saw a very small signpost that said 'Sammerçolles'.  I don't know 'Sammerçolles' - but I do know that the village abuts the main road, and that the main road would take me to where I needed to go.  And eventually I got where I needed to go.  But it took me longer than it should have.

Life is full of 'deviations' - but it isn't obligatory to follow them.  And it will take a whole lot longer for you to get where you want to go if you do follow them.  And getting there at all will depend on whether or not  you see a signpost to some kind of 'Sammerçolles' somewhere along the way - and it's by no means certain that you will.

If you keep you eye on where you want to go, and what you want to achieve when you get there, you can avoid deviations.  Or - like a Roman - you can step over them. 

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

What's Good to Know?

Years ago I watched a programme about gardening.  Actually, it wasn't quite about gardening. It was about plants and whether they were able to think and feel what we call 'emotion'.

The plants were in a greenhouse, and hooked up, of course, to various monitors that would register their reactions.

As part of the experiment someone walked into the greenhouse and burned one of the plants with a lighted cigarette.

Plants can't move, but afterwards whenever that same person entered the greenhouse, the monitors showed that all of them really did do their best to move and to get away.  They did that because they were frightened that something that they didn't understand was going to hurt them as it had already hurt someone just like them.

The experiment taught the experimenters a lot about plants, and how they relate to each other.  It taught me that there are some things that are best not known.

Currently, the fashion is that one should read and understand everything about whatever illness one is suffering from - and many therapists recommend that their clients read books and try to learn about their 'disease'.  I'm not sure that's always a good idea, and I rarely recommend it myself. 

Some things are best not known, because if they are not known they cannot be imagined, and if they cannot be imagined, they cannot be destructive.

There are some things that it isn't good to know too much about.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Among Those Dark Satanic Mills - And Everywhere Else

Those of England's athletes who are taking part in this years's Commonwealth Games in Delhi chose 'Jerusalem' as the team anthem.

We were delighted. 'Jerusalem' - like the 'Marseillaise!' - is one of those pieces of music that seems to belong to everybody.

The Marseillaise is, of course, very militaristic, but William Blake's constructive and hopeful poem speaks of a Jerusalem of the mind, a place of peace and love that could be anywhere - and never mind that Blake happened to visualise it in 'England's pleasant pastures' and among England's 'dark satanic mills', or that his outlook was (unsurprisingly for those days) that of a Christian man.

Blake's poem is based on what may, or may not, be the myth that, as a young man, Jesus accompanied his Uncle Joseph of Arimathea on a voyage to England, and visited Glastonbury - and hence 'And did those feet in ancient time walk upon England's mountain green?'

It really doesn't matter whether the myth is a myth or the truth. Jesus is a Messiah to some people and a Prophet to a lot of other people - and whilst that difference does matter a great deal to some people, what matters most is that most people agree that he was an extraordinary individual and worth listening to.

And what matters most to us here is that England's athletes chose a piece of music that belongs to everyone and is hopeful and constructive.

'Jerusalem' is a metaphor for a place of peace and love.  Building a new Jerusalem that isn't a place, but a state of mind, is no small ambition.

Aux armes, citoyens,

Formez vos bataillions,

Marchons, marchons!

But don't bring a gun.

Bill

Something is Always Greasy in the Kitchen

It can take a very long time to thoroughly clean a proper working kitchen, the heart of the house.

And when you get done - even if you've taken off every door, and cleaned every hinge, and moved every possible thing out of every possible space, and swept and polished all the nooks and crannies, and painted everything that isn't moving - you can still pick up something very small, and find that it's greasy.

The something small is usually something very useful, something that you use all the time - a herb or a spice - and whatever is inside that greasy little jar is just as useful and beautiful as it ever was, and never mind the state of the outside of the jar.

Nobody is perfect. No matter how hard we work on ourselves, we all have two or three greasy jars tucked away somewhere. And usually there's something useful and beautiful somewhere inside them.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

You don't need to care about the white horse

WARNING: This article contains material which could drive you nuts.

Okay not at first sight the politically correct expression expected from sensitive, right-on therapists such as Emily and myself.

But in this case fully justified.

For what we’re about to consider is a worldwide virus deliberately, cynically and yeah, even callously spread among humanity.

And while this article runs the risk of further spreading the virus, it also contains the antidote which could benefit millions.

Therefore read on … but with care.

The virus currently concerning us is a mental virus about which you may already be aware.

Until a few days ago I had never heard of The Game. Maybe that’s a generation thing, part of officially becoming an old fart. Maybe I should get out more.

The Game’s existence was disclosed to me by a potential client who came for a free consultation and admitted among his problems was being infected by The Game

By this point some of you are roundly possibly furiously cursing me before openly proclaiming: “I lost The Game!”

For those unware of The Game, its purpose is to forget about The Game, to avoid thinking about The Game. Thinking about The Game means you’ve lost … and you must announce it. That’s it.

Those playing The Game understand in its most simple form it has just three rules.

= Rule One – Everyone who knows about The Game is playing The Game.

= Rule Two – Each time you think about The Game you’ve lost.

= Rule Three – When you lose you must announce this to at least one other person.

As a consequence people across the Globe, maybe walking down the street, travelling on buses, sitting in offices, whatever, can suddenly declare, “I lost The Game.” Then anyone within earshot also playing The Game has also lost.

Insidious? Damned right.

Mentally destabilising? Potentially if, as for some, it becomes obsessive.

Downright daft? Too bloody true.

Am I playing The Game? Not on your nelly!

So why mention it? Two reasons.

First to provide the way anyone infected with this mental virus can decontaminate themselves.

Second, to explain how The Game was used to help a client dealing with a relationship problem.

The mental virus which spreads The Game is based on what’s known as ironic processing. That’s a posh way of describing how, if you deliberately try to suppress a thought, you actually highlight it. For example, for the next few seconds try really, really hard NOT TO THINK ABOUT A WHITE HORSE.

It might have been more appropriate to have invited you not to think about a white bear; that what psychologist Daniel Wegner used during “thought suppression” experiments from which he coined the term ironic processing.

What relevance is this to decontaminating those infected with The Game mental virus? Well by giving it a mental two finger salute. By realising you are not accepting Rule One, or Rule Two or Rule Three.

I know about The Game but am not playing. I do not feel I have “lost” when I remember The Game nor am I going to make any utterances.

My client with a relationship problem had been troubled by obsessive thoughts which, at an intellectual level, she recognised were irrational. But still they persisted, causing her pain and anxiety.

She needed some way of adding emotional understanding to intellectual understanding. To find a way of understanding she could think about things without always caring or being concerned about them.

She also had not previously heard about The Game but on learning about it had no intention of playing. She understood other people played, some might even be obsessed, but she did not care. She realised she had no need to care … and began to see the solution to her own obsession.

Ask Yourself Some Questions

You can be quite unhappy without knowing why.

You can want to change something without knowing quite what.

You can want to change three or more specific things, but dither about changing any of them because you can't make your mind up where to start.

One way out of this maze of not knowing and indecision is to ask yourself questions, because if you ask yourself questions it's likely that you'll get much more than you expect or bargain for by answering them.

Want to see? Print this post, then write out the answers to these questions. Take your time! It's likely you'll have to think about some of them...

• If you work, does your work satisfy you? If not, why not?


• If you are a home-maker, are you satisfied with your role? If not, why not?


• What do you like to do in your spare time?


• What would you like to do that you are not doing now?


• What is stopping you doing those things?


• What steps do you think you could take to make those things a reality in the future?


• What do you want out of life?


• Where do you see yourself in five years time?


• What are the bad habits you would like to overcome?


• What are your weaknesses that can be worked on?


• What are your strengths that can be worked with?


• What would you like to achieve in the short term?


• What are your long-term goals?


• Do you have overly high, or overly low, expectations of yourself and others?


• If so, where do you believe those expectations originated?


• In what kinds of situations do you most readily lose control?


• In which situations are you best able to keep self-control?


• How would you describe yourself?


• Which of your feelings, thoughts, or behaviours would you like to change?


• What benefits do you believe you would gain from understanding yourself better?


• If suddenly one morning you discovered that your biggest problem had disappeared and no longer troubled you, what would be different?

If you answer these questions as honestly as you can, you'll likely get some insight right away - and perhaps will be able to ask yourself some more questions, and get some further insight into where you want to go, and who you want to be, and what you really want to achieve.

Bear in mind though, that your unconscious mind will continue to process both your questions and your answers for some time, so that fresh questions, different answers to the old ones, new ideas, solutions to problems (and perhaps gradual changes in habits or attitudes) will occur quite naturally over a period and continue to manifest themselves for several weeks or months afterwards without your necessarily being conscious of the reasons for them.

Which is the beauty of asking yourself questions...

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Self Fulfillling Prophesies - Make Yours Good Ones

We hardly ever apply logic or rational thought to the negative words we adopt to describe ourselves, or the negative things we think when we’re faced with particular situations or people, or have to learn something new. I know I never used to. My own particular negative nugget was 'I'm bound to make a mistake'. Guess what happened...

Anyway, I don't want you falling into the same dark hole, so I'm listing a few of things that I often hear people say about themselves. They don't make cheerful reading, but they illustrate the point I'm trying to make - and that is that we often think damaging things about ourselves that are wrong, irrational, illogical or past their sell-by date.

I want you to think when you read the list. I also want you to apply logic and try to refute each statement as you go along, and to try to stand outside yourself and imagine what advice you would give to someone who made any of these statements to you.

OK? Here's the list:

I feel inferior to other people who are better off/better educated/better looking than I am.

I have negative beliefs about myself and my own abilities.

Although I realise that the negative beliefs I hold about myself influence my current conduct, I remind myself of them every day.

I make negative statements and self-deprecating remarks about myself in every­day conversation.

When I was younger members of my family or peer group made negative remarks to or about me. I remember them and still believe them to be true.

When I get negative feedback from people close to me I take it personally and believe it to be true even though I know, logically, that it is not.

I have a negative self-image about my body/looks/background/social skills that influences the way I present myself to other people.

I always believe negative assessments of my competency, skills, ability, knowledge, intelligence, creativity, or common sense to be true.

I feel negative about my future prospects of success and lack the motivation to make the effort to achieve my goals.

I feel angry, resentful or hostile toward others for real or imagined mistreatment.

I dread the future. I don’t believe that I have what it takes to be successful.

I have made mistakes in the past and feel sure that I will make mistakes in the future.

Do you really believe that’s its logical to feel inferior to another person just because that person is better off, better educated or better looking than you are?

Do you sincerely think that it's rational for a person to make negative statements about him or herself to other people, or make negative assessments to themselves about their own abilities?

Do you honestly consider that people always tell the truth about other people, or do you believe that some people sometimes have a personal agenda that makes it politic to denigrate other people?

Do you think it wise for a person to base his or her view of themselves on what people said to, or about, them years ago?

Do you really think it’s a good idea for people to keep reminding themselves of their personal negative beliefs about their own background, abilities, etc?

Do you consider that people who don't believe in themselves and lack motivation to pursue their goals can make a success of their lives?

No? Me neither. But I do sincerely believe, think, and consider that negative thoughts and beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophesies.

Many of the things we think or believe about ourselves are wrong, illogical, irrational, or distorted. Most of those thoughts or beliefs are rooted in the past, but things that happened in the past, however painful and damaging to the self-confidence, have little or no relevance to the present.

I've a great belief that if there's a monster in your closet then the best thing to do is to haul it out, and shine a strong rational, logical, and realistic light on it, because that's the only way to see the monster as it really is - a scrawny little creep that's trying to ruin your life.

If you make negative statements about yourself that you apply to yourself - write them out on a piece of paper, and treat them exactly as you treated the statements I've written here. Stand outside yourself, apply logic, try to refute the statement, and try to give yourself some good, impersonal advice. You might also ask yourself a couple of questions: like “What does it matter to me now? or "Why does it bother me so much?" and write out the answers to those questions, too.

All part of making your self-fulfilling prophesies good ones...

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

You, Your Teeth, the Dentist - and Finding the Money

Unsurprisingly - and given the fact that nearly everybody is strapped for cash and finding an NHS dentist prepared to take anyone on is now is about as likely finding teeth on a hen - dental care doesn't top the list of priorities for a lot of people.


The problem is that you if you ignore your teeth, they do tend to go away.


You need your teeth to chew food and speak clearly. Your teeth also affect the appearance of your face and your smile - so it's important to look after them, and make sure that they don't go away.
 You can do a lot by yourself to keep your teeth in your head and your smile intact:

• Brush your teeth at least twice a day.
• Make sure you brush every surface of every tooth. To do this properly can take longer than you think. Most dentists would recommend around two minutes. Takes me at least five minutes.
• Use fluoride toothpaste to protect against decay.
• Use a toothbrush with a small head and synthetic bristles.
• Start at one side of your mouth and move round to the other side, brushing all the tooth surfaces thoroughly.
• Pay particular attention to the gumline, angling the bristles into the crevice where the gums meet the teeth.
• Use a good mouthwash - like Corsodyl or Alodont - and follow the instructions. No, they don't taste good, but you can't have everything.
• Replace your toothbrush every month.

Some people prefer an electric toothbrush - I certainly do - and there is some evidence that electric toothbrushes are more efficient at removing plaque than brushing by hand. However, how throughly you clean your teeth is much more important than what type of brush you use -and you still need to replace the brush once a month.


And you still need to visit a dentist once in a while - as opposed to letting things go and heading for A&E or calling NHS Direct when things get unbearable.


For reasons I won't bore you with, I was reading through the Business Credit Management UK website earlier this week, and I found an article entitled 'Debt Ridden Britain Relies On Credit For Dental Bills'. The article was talking about a Company called Simplyhealth .


Simplyhealth seems to provide a lot of benefits (it isn't just about teeth!) for not very much money, so its worth checking it out. It's 'Simply Cash Plan' starts from £2.25 a week and provides for dental visits, opticians appointments and - interestingly - complementary therapy along with a lot of other stuff. Visit the site! It might be for you.


Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

NICE recognition for hypnotherapy … neither complementary nor alternative

Whether the following proves to be good or bad news for hypnotherapy in the UK is currently unclear.

But what is now clear is that hypnotherapy is not classified as a Complementary Therapy by either the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) or, at least in some circumstances, by the Department of Health.

It is a development which will doubtless leave most of the country totally unshaken but one which hypnotherapists themselves might do well to take on board.

The fact hypnotherapy is now described as “a psychological intervention” by NICE and DoH has been confirmed in email replies from both organisations.

That classification was made more than two years ago, in February 2008 when NICE published a 554-page clinical practice guideline on “Irritable bowel syndrome in adults: Diagnosis and management of irritable bowel syndrome in primary care.”

Commissioned by NICE and prepared by the National Collaborating Centre for Nursing and Supportive Care, the guidelines have already been reported as recommending that hypnotherapy be considered for refractory IBS, i.e., continuing for more than a year.

What was less noticed was the guideline's inclusion of a 17-page chapter on hypnotherapy for IBS followed by a five-page section on indirect comparisons of psychological interventions plus two pages of evidence on the inquiry’s recommendations for psychotherapy, CBT and hypnotherapy.

The inquiry team considered psychological interventions for IBS, recognising several different disciplines, including “psychotherapy, biofeedback, cognitive behavioural therapy, family therapy, hypnotherapy, interpersonal therapy and psychodynamic therapy.”

Evidence included the findings from a 2006 study showing hypnotherapy resulted in a “significant reduction in the use of prescriptions in the one year following intervention.”

The report therefore recommend that IBS patients who fail to respond to pharmacological treatments after more than 12 months, should then be considered for psychological interventions.

The inquiry developed two models of treatment to try to estimate the cost-effectiveness of different types of IBS interventions. First – long-term maintenance with pharmacological interventions. Second – a “one-off” intervention model for behavioural interventions (CBT, psychotherapy and hypnotherapy) over a defined period with the expectation that benefit continued beyond the intervention period.

Examining whether hypnotherapy had a role in managing IBS symptoms the guidelines stated: “More complex psychological interventions include biofeedback, cognitive behavioural therapy, dynamic psychotherapy and hypnotherapy are usually initiated for people with moderate or severe symptoms who have not responded to other management programmes.”

It then adds: “These therapies are effective, but time consuming to provide, require specialist input and currently availability varies widely across the UK.”

We have to plough on all the way to page 375 before the guidelines attempts to explain what hypnotherapy is and how it works. Helpfully it describes gut-directed hypnotherapy as “a specific form of hypnotherapy developed for the management of gastrointestinal disorders.”

It also quoted Professor Peter Whorwell’s conclusion that: “IBS is ideal for treatment with hypnosis, as there is no structural damage to the body. During hypnotherapy people learn how to influence and gain control of their gut function and then seem to be able to change the way the brain modulates their gut activity.”

Details on past studies of hypnotherapy for IBS; comparisons with different treatments, its efficacy with pain controls, bloating and other symptoms were also provided.

Which then led to a look at the economic issues; pointing to the total lack of any analyses of the cost-effectiveness of hypnotherapy for IBS or any NHS reference cost, even though hypnotherapy is funded in some regions of the NHS.

But – and this for UK hypnotherapy is a big, important but – it crucially considered just where hypnotherapists might fall within NHS pay scales.

The NICE-commissioned inquiry decided the salary of a typical hypnotherapist should fall within the Agenda for Change band 6 – the same scale as counsellors. Which meant the cost, based on seven sessions at £41.55 each, would be £291 per patient.

The report explained: “We have assumed that hypnotherapists have a similar working pattern to counsellors undertaking psychotherapy in terms of the proportion of their time that is spent on direct client contact and the proportion that is spent on research, administration, education and other activities.”

What is important here is that the study team clearly believed hypnotherapy should and would be provided by hypnotherapists rather than clinicians, psychologists or psychotherapists.

As mentioned earlier, all this probably seems far from exciting to the world at large, but to UK hypnotherapists it is a decision of potentially immense importance and long-term significance.

And it only came to light with a written Commons question from the chairman of the Commons Science and Technology Select Committee, Liberal Democrat MP Phil Willis.

He wanted to know which complementary or alternative treatments, medicines or therapies (CAMs) NICE had either considered or approved for use by NHS clinicians.

Health Minister Gillian Merron listed reflexology, acupressure, massage, Tai Chi, the Alexander Technique, Aromatherapy and others … but not a mention of hypnotherapy.

Her reply seemed puzzling since NICE had specifically included hypnotherapy as appropriate for refractory irritable bowel syndrome.

Why on earth was hypnotherapy not on the list? The answer – because as far as NICE is concerned hypnotherapy is not a CAM.

Validation of this came during a chat with NICE’s External Communication Manager, Laura Gibson along with an email stating: “Following your enquiry about whether NICE classes hypnotherapy as a psychological intervention or a complimentary/alternative therapy, I can confirm that it is classed as a psychological intervention.”

So was this view shared by the Department of Health? Yes it was for the Department’s press office explained that the written parliamentary reply to Willis was based on NICE's guidance.

It’s email added: “In the context of the clinical guideline on Irritable Bowel Syndrome published in 2008, NICE's independent Guideline Development Group considered hypnotherapy as a psychological intervention and not as a complementary therapy. NICE's guidance was subject to extensive consultation with stakeholders throughout its development."

Now the Credit Crunch can crack your teeth

Seems it not just our finances which are cracking under the Credit Crunch … so are our teeth.

Quite often clients mention to us in the course of conversation that, quite separate from the reason they have come to see us, they know they have a tendency to clench their teeth.

Frequently they become aware of this not from personal observation but due to their spouses or partners complaining bitterly about the noise they make grinding their teeth while asleep.

Teeth grinding, whether while awake or asleep, is known as bruxism, and can cause all sorts of dental problems including wearing down, chipping or flattening or loosening teeth to earache and the contraction of jaw muscles.

Sleep bruxism and many instances of Awake bruxism is an unconscious, involuntary behaviour and can be a really.

Now, according to some dentists, there has been a noticeable surge as a resulted of the added anxieties created by the current financial nightmares.

Details of the problem appeared in the Guardian with a report on how dentists were recording increases in patients whose teeth have started to crack – sometimes beyond repair – as a result of this unconscious grinding.

The Guardian’s Health correspondent Denis Campbell explains that stress-related teeth grinding is causing people to have to take painkillers every day to relieve their symptoms and is even damaging their working life.

The paper quotes implant dental specialist Sharif Khan as saying: "People who are worst affected by grinding are Type A personalities: ambitious people and perfectionists, who usually work in business."

According to Edinburgh dentist Yann Maidment the dental consequences of the Credit Crunch has become very apparent within the financial sector. He and his colleagues reckon the numbers of patients affected by bruxism has risen by up to a fifth - especially among those in Edinburgh’s banks, fund managers and financial services firms.

"There's a lot of anxiety that redundancies may be coming, and about job losses that have already happened," says Maidment.

What do dentists do about bruxism? Often they merely provide bite guards which patients are supposed to bung in their mouths at night while they sleep – at a cost of between £250 to £300 a time.

There is though a better solution – and as we’re hypnotherapists, you’ve probably guessed that the answer is hypnotherapy. And you’d be right. Hypnotherapy can really help to deal with the underline causes of bruxism; the stress, the anxiety … and in many cases, the unresolved anger. You can learn more at our website by clicking on the Therapy Partnership website

Well, that’s something to chew on.

The Only Person You Need to Impress is You

I think most of us spend a lot of time at one time or another trying to impress other people. We do it in all sorts of ways - with our clothes or our belongings or by the way we behave or the things we say or do.

It works, of course, sometimes - but only with people who are impressed by externals - the young, the naïve and (let's face it) those very shallow people who judge others not by whom or what they are, but by their belongings, and the the labels in their clothes.

Being impressive to other people - real people who really matter - never depends on what you wear or what you own. It depends on you - the real you - the person you really are, and what you think of and believe about yourself and your skills, and your abilities, and what you have to offer to society and the world.

That's why the only person you really need to impress is yourself. If you don't believe in the real you - who else is going to?

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

Some People Should Carry A Government Health Warning

Coincidence (if you believe in it!) is a very odd thing.

At the moment, there's a very interesting discussion going on in the 'Positive Thinkers' Group on LinkedIn .

Someone raised the question as to whether criticism or praise (by way of compliments) is most memorable.

I wrote that whilst constructive criticism (which usually comes with useful advice) and genuine compliments (which are always accompanied by genuine enthusiasm) are worth taking notice of, and remembering, and learning from, empty compliments and carping criticism are something that one can afford to ignore.

Then I received an e-mail - out of the blue - that reminded me that sometimes criticism can be deliberately cruel and intentionally destructive, and that it can come from 'trusted' people when one feels weak and defenceless and surrounded by an ocean of problems.

I was the victim of such an attack many years ago. I haven't forgotten it - but I did learn something from it.

• I learned to look for and evaluate motives, and to mentally sort and file - or discard - both compliments and criticisms according to their real value.
  
  
• I learned that smiling and saying 'thank you' - whether the criticism or the compliment was well-intentioned or not - was the best thing to do, because genuine people appreciate it, and fakes realise that you aren't a push-over and tend to back off.

It's a sad fact that some people should carry a Government Health Warning. They are malicious, and intentionally destructive of the confidence or happiness of other people for their own selfish motives.

Safeguard yourself:

• Listen
• Evaluate
• File or discard
• Smile
• Say 'thank you'
• Hang around, or
• Just walk away

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

Sometimes its Wise to be Brutal

Sometimes people turn up out of the blue. Years on, they find you on Google - or fall over you in Waitrose or somewhere else that you wouldn't expect to see them. Sometimes it's a nice surprise - and sometimes it isn't.

People do terrible things to other people, and never realise what damage they've done, and what anger and pain their actions have inflicted on their victims - and many of them underestimate how long that anger and pain can remain alive, simmering away under the surface, waiting to be expressed.

Such people tend to greet or write to their victims as though nothing has happened. They sign their messages 'with love'. They ask people if they might perhaps like to go for a drink. They slap people on the back, their cheerful faces totally forgetful of the past, and wholly concentrated on the present.

If by chance you get an e-mail or a letter or meet someone, and you have something to say - something that's been simmering away for months or years - then it's better to say it than to bite your tongue and go along with a 'let's let bygones be bygones' attitude.

Suppressed anger never did anybody any good. I had to write a very unpleasant e-mail today. I didn't enjoy writing it. Actually, I didn't want to write it. But I feel a lot better from having written it.

If you get the chance, get your anger off your chest, and speak your mind. Then you can forget about it all and move on.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

Bad News and Winter Blues

This winter seems to have gone on forever - and we are living, as they say, in interesting times. And very depressing it can be.

Getting up to more lousy weather - and more bad news on the radio or the television first thing in the morning! - isn't a recipe for facing the day in a cheerful and optimistic frame of mind, and it certainly doesn't encourage anyone to leap out of bed and rush down to the gym or go for a quick run round the park.

The real trouble, though, is that Bad News and Winter Blues makes staying positive and determined and motivated very difficult - particularly if a person has something important that they need to do.

Bad News and Winter Blues can make a mountain out of a molehill.

If you have something important that you need to do - and are suffering from Bad News and Winter Blues and have come to the point where you have begun to think that you really can't do something that you need to do - make a list of all things that you have done or overcome successfully in the past (and that you probably thought at the time you couldn't do!) and take a really good look at it.

Then think about- and remember - the taste of success.

Forget the weather and the bad news: 'I did that - so I can do this' is the mental place to go if you have something that you need to do now.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Hypnosis - It Takes Two To Tango

People are always asking us whether we can hypnotise everyone. The answer is that it takes two to tango - so no, we can't hypnotise everyone. We can only hypnotise people who want to co-operate and participate in what is really a joint venture.

Some people - usually people who have taken on board all the myths about hypnosis (or watched a lot of those movies that Hammer Horror Studios used to specialise in!) - find it hard to co-operate and participate until we've explained a few things. Like:

• No, you won't lose control.
• No, you won't reveal your innermost secrets.
• No, you won't accept suggestions unless you want to.
• Yes, you will hear everything we say.
• No, hypnosis is not sleep.
• Yes, you will certainly 'wake up'!

After which, of course, hypnosis becomes a real possibility and (in due course) an enjoyable and useful exercise that that those people look forward to - and want to learn to use for themselves at home.

Other people, sadly, see the whole venture as a battle of wills, and don't want to co-operate or participate. At which point, I'm afraid, we cease to want to co-operate or participate, too. Thankyou, goodnight, goodbye and good-riddance. We are not in the business of being protagonists in some unknown cause.

If you think you can benefit from hypnosis - and there are an awful lot of benefits to be had from hypnosis - forget all the myths and the movies. Hypnosis really isn't a step into unknown territory.

• Everybody falls into a hypnotic state every night just before they fall asleep and every morning when they begin to wake up.
• Everybody can fall into the same state sitting in the garden digesting Sunday lunch, or sitting in a deckchair watching the sea.
• A lot of people can do it whilst jogging or showering or ironing - or, alas, driving on monotonous motorways (try not to do that!).

Hypnosis is really just a very pleasant state of total relaxation.

Not romantic. Not a thriller-diller. Nothing to keep you up nights munching crisps and glued to the screen. Almost boring, really.

A session with a hypnotherapist will allow you to enjoy a pleasant daydream or two - and allow your chosen therapist to talk your unconscious mind into helping you achieve what you want to achieve.

But remember: it takes two to tango. You can learn to do it without us - but we can't do without you!

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Too Much Input For Our Own Good?

Be afraid! Be very, very afraid!

Sound familiar? Should do. Government and media pump out an unceasing torrent of doom-laden warnings (do this... don't do that) to the effect that we should be afraid of an increasing number of things - one of which is, apparently, playing dangerous games. Like conkers.

In fact - sandwiched between incredibly scary news items - our newpapers, radios and televisions give us literally hundreds of instructions as to how we should live our lives so as to remain 'safe' from the many, many incredibly scary things that are apparently out to get us.

Daily we are told what - and what not! - to eat. Several times every day - practically every five minutes if you listen to Talksport which happens to be sponsored by Nicorette - we are alerted to the dangers of smoking. Then there's drinking. And of course, sex.

All in all, I sometimes think that the cigarettes, the whisky and the wild, wild women won't get the opportunity to drive me insane, because the constant and oppressive drip, drip, drip of dire warnings will get me first - and that's not altogether a joke, because it seems that those warnings are having some very adverse effects on quite a lot people.

The Social Issues Research Centre in Oxford has found that 'shock tactics' in health promotion campaigns may do more harm than good.

Over a three year period the Centre kept checks as to how the public reacted to media coverage of health issues - and discovered hidden psychological consequences which broke down into three adverse reactions.

Top of the list was 'Warning Fatigue'.

The Centre found that the public had simply become 'desensitised' to high-level health scares - had in fact 'turned off', 'tuned out', and stopped listening.

In particular, incidentally, the public has apparently become 'deaf' to advice on exercise and healthy eating. No surprise, then, that despite a concerted campaign over the past decade, obesity has soared in the UK (according to the NHS Information Centre, one in four UK adults is now obese) and weight loss surgery has doubled over the past two years.

Next came 'Risk Factor Phobia'.

This is a condition which results in people becoming irrationally fearful about perceived health hazards posed by their food, their lifestyle or their environment as a direct consequence of the non-stop warnings we all receive about all three of those things - and it's a particularly adverse 'adverse reaction', because an 'irrational fear' is a phobia, and having one of those isn't anybody's idea of a good time. We wrote about phobias recently in our post 'Do The Thing That Scares You'. Wouldn't hurt to go back and read it.

One tell-tale sign of Risk Factor Phobia, incidentally, is a powerful inclination to read, absorb and inwardly digest the contents of newspapers or health magazines. If you feel this inclination growing in yourself, I strongly urge you to curb it today. Sorry about the advice folks...

Last condition the Centre identified? The 'Forbidden Fruit Effect'.

Guess why so many young people smoke...

A lot of the advice we get every day is very good advice. The problem is that there is too much of it, and (in many cases) it is intended to inspire fear rather than rational thought. People can think for themselves and are, on the whole, capable of recognising that they need to do something about their weight or their smoking or any other problem that confronts them. And of, course, there are horses for courses.

Don't let anything make you so afraid that you 'turn off', or cease to be able to make rational decisions about what is good for YOU, personally.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Happiness isn't Hard to Find - But You Have to Play the Game

I think you find happiness by looking around and recognising that there are a lot of people who a lot less fortunate than you are in so very many ways.

I think you can find it by helping other people, and thinking less about yourself and your own problems.

I think you can find it by being positive and looking to the future rather than the past.

I think you can find it by accepting all the good things that each day has to offer and consigning all its negatives to the bin.

Life continually deals everyone a new hand of cards every day. It's up to you how you play each of your hands. Every hand can be a winner - but not if you decide to fold rather than play. However bad it looks, you have to play every hand out with the firm intention of winning. If you do that, you may not scoop the pot every day - but you'll never be a loser either.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Where Do You Find Happiness?

I found a blog today at Self Improvement Blogger .  Well, to tell the truth, Emily found it.

It has a lot going for it - lots of books, lots of interesting stuff - and it's worthwhile looking at it and reading your way through what people have written - but I was struck by one particular comment that had been posted by 'Admin'.  The post read "Is there a way to achieve happiness?  I hope the answer isn't religious texts."

Which is a pretty peculiar comment whichever way you look at it - not least because quite a lot of people do find a degree of happiness (or at least peace of mind!) through religious texts.  Particularly - and sometimes only! - when someone dear to them has died, or they fear that they are dying themselves.

Personally, I think you should grab happiness with both hands wherever you find it - and I don't think that it's something that can be 'achieved'.

You can strive to be promoted, or rich, or famous - and sometimes you can 'achieve' any one or all of those things - but happiness is not something that can be 'achieved'. 

Obviously, you can be happy if you have 'achieved' something, but mostly happiness is a gift that you get from someone else or from the world around you. 

Frosty mornings make horses ridiculously happy.  Windy days make cats ecstatically happy.  Lots of people and lots of (actually very small!) things can make human beings ridiculously or ecstatically happy.

There's no point in trying to 'achieve' happiness.  You just need to accept it and enjoy it when it's given to you.

Spring flowers soon ...

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Do The Thing That Scares You

Everybody gets scared.  Everybody gets scared by, or of, something every day.  Being scared is nothing to be ashamed of.  Actually it's an important defence mechanism that's intended to keep people safe, out of danger - alive.

But sometimes that defence mechanism gets out of hand, and becomes too protective.  And allowing that to happen is a very bad idea, because fear can then take over and begin to dictate your behaviour.  Good example: some people allow themselves to develop a fear of open spaces that - over time - becomes acute.  Eventually, they are effectively trapped by their own fear in their own homes.  No lunches or dinners out.  No parties.  No weddings.  No visits to parks or museums or cinemas or shops or beaches. No walks with the dog - or the children.  No sunny days in the garden.  Just a house - where quite often all the curtains are drawn to shut out the outside.   

It's quite possible to get so scared of something, or of doing something, that whole areas of your life become coloured and determined by that fear.  And your life becomes narrower, and less enjoyable as a result.

The important thing to understand about fear is that it tends to vanish if it is confronted, and nothing bad happens as a result of that confrontation.

If something scares you - and believe me plenty of things scare me! - confront it.  If you confront your fear, you will vanquish it, it will disappear, and you will be free to live your life to the full.  It isn't easy to take that first step, but you'll never regret doing the thing that scares you.  And you can always ask a friend to help you take that important first step.  Your friend is scared of something, too - and maybe you can help in return!

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

You Don't Need Drugs to Become a Knight to Remember

Every time I check my e-mail I get a bunch of adverts advising me that I would be a Knight to Remember if only I would send off to some dodgy dealer somewhere for Viagra, or Cialis, or Levitra, or some natural equivalent that probably consists of bicarbonate of soda - or something much nastier.

It probably happens to you, too (actually, Emily gets them addressed to her personally, which has to make you wonder whether somebody somewhere might not be quite up to speed) because literally billions of these e-mails go whizzing through cyberspace every year for the very good reason that they're aimed at a huge market.

Erectile disfunction is a very common problem for a lot of men - all of whom take it very seriously, and many of whom will go to any lengths to make the problem go away.

I say 'go to any lengths', but quite often 'any lengths' doesn't include the most sensible option - which is a visit to a doctor to find out whether there's some underlying organic cause for the fact that Willy won't come out to play any more.  And there are a lot of potential underlying organic causes, some of which are major causes for concern - like impending heart disease.

The moral here is, of course, that it really isn't a good idea to respond to spam - and resort to drugs! - before you've had somebody professionally qualified confirm that you don't have a problem apart from the one you already know about. 

And once you've had that welcome confirmation, there are cheaper, safer, and better options than drugs.

Erectile disfunction is often psychological.  In other words one failure leads to another because people come to expect failure, to anticipate it, visualise it - and make it happen.

Hypnosis can alter expections, change responses, and make it possible for people to anticipate and achieve success in this and host of other areas.  It isn't the only way to go - but it's a good option because it's relatively fast-acting.  Positive thinking and creative visualisation are slower - but they can be the building blocks of success, too.

If you've got this problem, see your doctor and put your mind at rest.  Then you can think about what you want to do next.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Thoughts Become Things That Happen

Winston Churchill once said: "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

I spend a lot of time trying to enable people to see that there is an opportunity in every difficulty - and even more time trying to help pessimists to climb out of the difficulties they have created for themselves simply by thinking negatively.

Let's cut to the chase here.  Your unconscious mind is a very powerful entity, and it can do great things for you. The big BUT is that your unconscious mind - like a perfect servant - wants to give you what it believes that you want, and takes its cue from your conscious mind.

Want to fail at something?  Want to be afraid of something?  Want your relationships to fall apart one after another?  No problem!  Just imagine those things hard enough and often enough, and your unconscious mind - like a perfect servant - will do it's best to make them all happen for you.

Use your unconscious mind carefully.  Think positively.  Imagine good outcomes.  See the opportunities that really do exist in every difficulty.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/    

Positive Thinkers - a Group With the Right Idea

I was cruising around on LinkedIn yesterday, and found an entire Group devoted to positive thinking. The Group description stated that it was for optimistic people who believed in the power of positive thinking, and who concentrated on the good rather than the bad.

I was absolutely enchanted!  Bill and I are hypnotherapists.  We don't push that fact down people's throats - but we are.  And hypnotherapists have to spend an awful lot of time convincing people to be positive and confident before they can even begin to deal with all the other problems those people want to address.

Levels of positivity and confidence determine how well people deal with life - how they react to what happens to them.  And no-one needs a therapist to learn how to use positive thinking to become more positive and enhance their confidence.  Anyone with a library ticket, or access to a bookshop or the internet can do it by themselves.

Look up positive thinking!  You'll find you can do yourself a power of good, change your whole attitude, and be a healthier happier person by learning to take some very simple steps.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Nearly Spring - Time to Get Into the Swim

If you're often tempted to wander about in your garden or the park looking for shoots and leaves, are tempted to ask flowering bulbs in markets and shops about the health and whereabouts of their invisible relatives, and have an obsessive-compulsive desire to clean the windows or turn out the attic, then you have Spring Fever.

If can't get interested in the sale of winter clothing (however cheap), and keep telling yourself that it really is a lot warmer today despite the fact that the news, the weather forecast and the thermometer in the shed all tell you that isn't so, then you have it badly.

This is not, alas, something that be cured by chocolate. But you can take action.

Slow, dark, rainy January days pass more quickly if you are busy anticipating better days - and this is a good time to keep yourself busy anticipating better days by getting some exercise.  As no one really wants to go out running or cycling - or even walking - in the weather we've all been having, swimming is your best option.

Quite apart from the fact that swimming is great heart-lung exercise and makes you feel really good (to say nothing of extremely clean!), doing it will enable you to find out whether your swimming gear still fits well.  And that's quite important, because if it doesn't fit well now, it isn't likely that it's going to fit well in June, is it?

If you begin to get some gentle, toning, exercise now, you won't need to bother about whether things are going to fit you come June.  And you can meet some new people, feel a lot more positive, and pass some useful, healthy, time.  And the daffoldils will be out before you know it.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/ 

You Don't Need to Handle Rape or Abuse All By Yourself

Rape or abuse isn't a self-help issue.  Anyone who has been raped or abused needs immediate help - and perhaps long term support. 

There are help and support centres all over Britain - and you can find many of them online by typing 'rape crisis centres' into your search engine - but if you can't find a support centre near you online, the easiest place to find help quickly is to get in touch with The Samaritans . You can call the Samaritans 24 hours a day. In the UK dial 08457 90 90 90. In the Republic of Ireland dial 1850 60 90 90.

Most support centres or agencies will advise you to contact the police, but most - like The Haven Sexual Assault & Referral Centre at King's College Hospital will also advise you that if you have not informed the police about your sexual assault/rape and are uncertain about whether to do so there are many options to consider, and that whilst you can discuss those possibilities confidentially with them, your choices and wishes will be respected.

The important thing is that you do get help and discuss your options.  This really is not a self-help issue.

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

Don't Shop While You're Hungry!

When you want to lose a few - or even more than a few! - pounds, snacking is something to avoid.  The goal is to eat real meals at real mealtimes and concentrate on eating them properly and enjoying them. Snacks are not real meals, people don't eat them at real mealtimes or concentrate on eating them properly - so most of the time they don't enjoy them either.

Avoiding snacking isn't difficult, but it sometimes takes guile, ingenuity and forethought.

Don't shop when you're hungry!  I know that a lot of people use up their lunch hour shopping.  I also know that they gobble down a lot of junk food - one or two sandwiches, a packet of cakes, and a fizzy drink - very fast whilst they push the trolley.  That isn't eating, it's fuelling up with snack foods that contain a lot of calories and have no nutritional value.

If you have to shop for food in your lunch hour, try to arrange to eat before you go so that you aren't tempted to snack your way round the supermarket.  Most people have a quarter of an hour break mid-morning and mid-afternoon. Take a couple of sandwiches from home, and eat them in break times.  Slowly.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/      

Migraine - Let's Make it a Headache for Everyone

Over the past thirty years or so there have been a number of studies as to whether hypnotherapy (and particularly self-hypnosis) can help people who suffer from migraine headaches - and over and over again researchers have concluded that those techniques can greatly reduce the incidence and severity of migraine headaches.

Back in the 1970's, for example, a study by Anderson, Basker and Dalton compared the treatment of migraine by hypnosis and self-hypnosis with the treatment of migraine by use of the drug prochlorperazine - 'Stemetil'.  The trial revealed that the number of attacks - and the number of people who suffered blinding attacks - were significantly lower for the group receiving hypnotherapy than for the group receiving the drug.  In fact ten out of the twenty-three people in the hypnotherapy group achieved complete remission during the last three months of the trial, compared to only three people out of the twenty-four in the group using the drug.

Admittedly, the number of studies into using hypnotherapy to deal with migraine headaches is much smaller than those concentrating on, for example, asthma, but there have been enough of them that have been consistently encouraging to suggest that many migraine sufferers could benefit from hypnotherapy and learning to use hypnosis themselves.

So why aren't they?

Primarily it's because very few doctors in general practice learn to use hypnosis - and those that do don't have the time to use it - so it isn't widely available on the NHS.  Some doctors will certainly recommend hypnosis under private health schemes - but not everybody has a private health scheme.  Secondly, of course, hypnotherapy doesn't have access to the sort of funding that is available to pharmaceutical companies - to say nothing of the effort that is put into promoting pharmaceutical products and selling them.

So in general medication is what most people who suffer from migraine headaches are offered - and that's what they are going to continue to be offered unless they demand something else.

If you or someone close to you suffers from migraine headaches, ask about hypnosis  - and show that you know about it.  Quote Anderson, Basker and Dalton.  Or Olness, Karen & McDonald, who proved (as long ago as 1960!) that self-hypnosis could help children who were not responding well to medication.

Ordinary people can change things!

Bill - http://www.therapypartnership.com/

It's Really Very Difficult to 'Steal' Something...

When you're trying hard to lose weight, the whole world is full of temptation  - and that's particularly true if you're living in a house full of people who don't need to lose any weight, and actually need the biscuits and snacks you're trying to avoid eating yourself.

Obviously, you can't just stop buying snack food because you don't want to eat it yourself.  That isn't just unfair, it's a bad idea.  And the usual ploy of putting snack foods away of sight or storing it in relatively inaccessible places won't work well either if people have become used to coming home from school or work and helping themselves to something to 'tide them over' until the real food lands on the table.

The easiest way around this problem - and it really is a problem for a lot of people - is to fall back on one of the  inhibitions that was dinned into your head when you were a child, and use it. 

It's wrong to steal.  You get into trouble if you become a thief.  People don't like or trust thieves. 

You know that, and I know it, and everybody else knows it, and in fact very few people can bring themselves to overcome that inhibition and take something that belongs to someone else - particular if that someone else is a child.

So if a tin of biscuits is labelled 'David's Biscuits', or 'Elaine's Cakes', you can't eat them without asking permission can you?  Because they aren't yours, are they? And you aren't a thief, are you?

Some inhibitions are very good for you.  They can make shedding a few pounds a lot easier.  Use them!

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/