The Only Person You Need to Impress is You

I think most of us spend a lot of time at one time or another trying to impress other people. We do it in all sorts of ways - with our clothes or our belongings or by the way we behave or the things we say or do.

It works, of course, sometimes - but only with people who are impressed by externals - the young, the naïve and (let's face it) those very shallow people who judge others not by whom or what they are, but by their belongings, and the the labels in their clothes.

Being impressive to other people - real people who really matter - never depends on what you wear or what you own. It depends on you - the real you - the person you really are, and what you think of and believe about yourself and your skills, and your abilities, and what you have to offer to society and the world.

That's why the only person you really need to impress is yourself. If you don't believe in the real you - who else is going to?

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

Some People Should Carry A Government Health Warning

Coincidence (if you believe in it!) is a very odd thing.

At the moment, there's a very interesting discussion going on in the 'Positive Thinkers' Group on LinkedIn .

Someone raised the question as to whether criticism or praise (by way of compliments) is most memorable.

I wrote that whilst constructive criticism (which usually comes with useful advice) and genuine compliments (which are always accompanied by genuine enthusiasm) are worth taking notice of, and remembering, and learning from, empty compliments and carping criticism are something that one can afford to ignore.

Then I received an e-mail - out of the blue - that reminded me that sometimes criticism can be deliberately cruel and intentionally destructive, and that it can come from 'trusted' people when one feels weak and defenceless and surrounded by an ocean of problems.

I was the victim of such an attack many years ago. I haven't forgotten it - but I did learn something from it.

• I learned to look for and evaluate motives, and to mentally sort and file - or discard - both compliments and criticisms according to their real value.
  
  
• I learned that smiling and saying 'thank you' - whether the criticism or the compliment was well-intentioned or not - was the best thing to do, because genuine people appreciate it, and fakes realise that you aren't a push-over and tend to back off.

It's a sad fact that some people should carry a Government Health Warning. They are malicious, and intentionally destructive of the confidence or happiness of other people for their own selfish motives.

Safeguard yourself:

• Listen
• Evaluate
• File or discard
• Smile
• Say 'thank you'
• Hang around, or
• Just walk away

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

Sometimes its Wise to be Brutal

Sometimes people turn up out of the blue. Years on, they find you on Google - or fall over you in Waitrose or somewhere else that you wouldn't expect to see them. Sometimes it's a nice surprise - and sometimes it isn't.

People do terrible things to other people, and never realise what damage they've done, and what anger and pain their actions have inflicted on their victims - and many of them underestimate how long that anger and pain can remain alive, simmering away under the surface, waiting to be expressed.

Such people tend to greet or write to their victims as though nothing has happened. They sign their messages 'with love'. They ask people if they might perhaps like to go for a drink. They slap people on the back, their cheerful faces totally forgetful of the past, and wholly concentrated on the present.

If by chance you get an e-mail or a letter or meet someone, and you have something to say - something that's been simmering away for months or years - then it's better to say it than to bite your tongue and go along with a 'let's let bygones be bygones' attitude.

Suppressed anger never did anybody any good. I had to write a very unpleasant e-mail today. I didn't enjoy writing it. Actually, I didn't want to write it. But I feel a lot better from having written it.

If you get the chance, get your anger off your chest, and speak your mind. Then you can forget about it all and move on.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com

Bad News and Winter Blues

This winter seems to have gone on forever - and we are living, as they say, in interesting times. And very depressing it can be.

Getting up to more lousy weather - and more bad news on the radio or the television first thing in the morning! - isn't a recipe for facing the day in a cheerful and optimistic frame of mind, and it certainly doesn't encourage anyone to leap out of bed and rush down to the gym or go for a quick run round the park.

The real trouble, though, is that Bad News and Winter Blues makes staying positive and determined and motivated very difficult - particularly if a person has something important that they need to do.

Bad News and Winter Blues can make a mountain out of a molehill.

If you have something important that you need to do - and are suffering from Bad News and Winter Blues and have come to the point where you have begun to think that you really can't do something that you need to do - make a list of all things that you have done or overcome successfully in the past (and that you probably thought at the time you couldn't do!) and take a really good look at it.

Then think about- and remember - the taste of success.

Forget the weather and the bad news: 'I did that - so I can do this' is the mental place to go if you have something that you need to do now.

Emily - http://www.therapypartnership.com/